Hatch & Most

Context: we can reveal that the transcripts from phone conversations between esteemed composer Tony Hatch and musical impressario Micky Most have recently come into our possession...

Tony Hatch: 

Micky, let me read the lyric I was telling you about...

'You only love me when I'm laughing!" crooned the drunk baboon, don't make a monkey out of me... 

and tease me for my tune.

That's a PG tip, 

make no mistake,

gyrate a hip

and get a grip

I'm a blooming blubbing baboon...

Why-Oh-Why-Oh-Why-Oh-Why [beating chest] 

d'you make a monkey out of me?

Why-Oh-Why-Oh-Why-Oh-Why [beating chest] d'ya leave me swinging

from tree-to-tree.'

Micky Most:

Great! Do we repeat and go round again or is there another verse?

Tony Hatch:

I suggest a low tuba line coming in for the chorus

Micky Most:

No problem. At this point we have to make a decision. Do we move on to other love starved animals, or do we stick with monkeys?

Tony Hatch:

I've got another lyric that I've been sitting on for some time now Micky. It goes like this...

'Neighbours,

Everybody needs good

Neigh-bours,

With a little understanding etc'

What d'ya think Micky?

Micky:

That could be a great theme tune for a soap opera about people who live in the East End of London.

Tony:

Back to The Baboon Tune: potential performers? My initial list of contenders are:

- Mike Read ('Runaround')

- Art Garfunkel

- Iggy Pop

- Stephen Fry

- The philosopher and cultural commentator, Irving Berlin

- The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Naseem Hamed

- Harry Rednapp

- The newsreader, Robert Dougal

What are your thoughts Micky? [...]

Micky, I was sipping a martini when I had a brilliant idea for our Baboon performer! Babs Windsor!!